Dani makes great ribs

Something about getting older makes me feel, well… older I guess?! I just turned 31 and I feel great, not afraid that it’s all “downhill (uphill? who knows?) from here”. There’s things to work on, strive for but that’s the way it needs to stay.

The older I get the more I come to realize the importance of surrounding yourself with amazing people. Those many or few that continuously surprise, inspire and make you feel as though the possibilities are endless in this lifetime. Family and friends are forever, because even when we are said and done they continue to be. To the new and old(er), I think you rule.

Speaking of which I want to talk about and shout out my friends/family at OFFSHOOT. James, Neil, Zoe are the Hamilton’s that make IT happen. The talent that they and their crew possess is outstanding. Holding down Toronto’s carpet factory in the district of  Liberty Village and without any bias I can easily say that what they do is done the best-est.

Small projects like this one can exist thanks to their genius and amazing time management skills (something I can learn a lot from). They inspire me to be who I am, they are the ultimate hype-sters (not to be mistaken with HIPsters, not that there’s anything wrong with that). I’m so thankful for their help, love and attention in and out of this “business” relationship.

My people rule, hopefully they can be your people too.

By the way the last workout I did was based on pyramids (start at the bottom, climb up in numbers and come right back down) Matt Winchar and I started at 930pm, ending it at 1030pm. 2 days later my body still feels like I should be in the movie 300 (note-I didn’t say “looks like”) Matt says he’s been loving the way the mirror looks back at him or something like that. You look good buddy.

1.Pyramid Push-up and hold (you do 1, then I do one…all the way to 10 and back down)

2.Pyramid Buddy rows (buddy lies chest down in a towel, gripping it you row them off the ground) We just did 10 going down and my back is blazing.

3.Plyometric Box Jumps about knee height (1…10…1 FML)

4. Bike 14km (6 miles) uphill back home.

TEAM UP AND BLOW IT OUT! (caps that)

How about we call for more support, organization and a solid buddy system?! It’s all about finding someone that has your back and believes in what you already have to build off of.

You are good enough on your own its true,  although having people around that kick your ass no matter how much you complain is awesome. It’s some next level s**t.

I thought I pushed hard, but I’m lucky to learn and have learnt from others that I’m not even close to true potential. There is so much room to grow.

The challenge goes on, now who’s going to inspire you?

Step up. (am I talking about the exercise or the figurative term? Either one, do it.)

I spoke to my mother and she advised me to follow huge dreams but to plan in small increments. I’ve been thinking large since I can remember and the feeling of not being able to get everything done right away sucks. The times that I did/do organize myself the checklist always ended up with me accomplishing 50% of my tasks. Am I overdoing it, do I plan for 25hrs when all I get is 24? I hate focussing on what I haven’t done rather than what I have.

Hitting small goals leads to targtting larger ones, the momentum naturally picks up as you get going on your  path. The confidence you build by accomplishing a few things rather than the gut rott you get from wanting too much too soon makes all the difference in following the next step.

Enough of this procrastination, I’m heading to the beach for some ring pull ups, ring dips, hand stand push ups and whatever else makes me want to throw up.

Getting started is the worst part, so… get started.

Paul Atkinson, this one is for you

Word up.

Throw It Out There

Questions and answers- They flow so well in that order, yet some of us communicate in a way that seems that one can exist without the other. In my experience I’ve found that generally, asking a question usually gets me the answer. I’ve been known to have it fall into my lap without the struggle of asking, but that’s some fluke and a wealth of luck that I’m certain will eventually run out. My patience for that kind of knowledge isn’t where i’d like it to be so I don’t hesitate in asking/probing. Letting thoughts stew though is not pretty, just saying that I’ve seen people go too long without knowing, and in my generation we learned that knowing was half the battle.

It’s so discouraging to watch someone craving to ask but be so hesitant to put themselves out there. What is it about NOT knowing that holds us back? I remember in high school asking tons of questions when I had no idea what was happening around me. I got teased, picked on and really in retrospect who cares because it probably would have happened for other reasons. Here at 30 years of age If I don’t know something I still feel like I get the right to ask or at least try. I don’t want to ever live in doubt and fear of stirring up the pot. Fear sucks.

It had to start somewhere, the feeling that we were asking the wrong kinds of questions. To some of our less sensitive teachers, did we insult their intelligence? To the other kids around us, were we holding them back? Maybe it comes with time and age but I can’t imagine what it would be like to walk around pretending to know everything.  I’m ok with not knowing, in fact I think I’m better off because it prompts me to ask for more information and gives people the opportunity to answer. Seems healthy enough doesn’t it?

This goes out to my clients that ask and continue to ask. I may not know but I sure as hell will ask around and see what comes up.

Break it down, now.

What is pride? When we are  proud people, is it necessary to let others know how awesome we are at something or does that kind of pride simply signal signs of insecurity. By doing so are we forcing others to see something that we really don’t?

I’ll face it, and I’m proud enough (still not sure what that word means) to admit it- I’ve felt the need to defend the person I want other people to think I am. I’d like to say that it was one specific circumstance that forced me into defending or pretending that I wasn’t  hurt by other’s claims. Really though, it’s kinda sorta generally a weakness I carry around. For a second or two I’d pretend that it didn’t bother me that I felt some comparison, judgement and diminishment of my being but I did and still do- I hate it! And then there’s having the last word…

It’s childish and I know that I am not that unique of a person to think that  I wouldn’t ever be subjected to some criticism, warranted or not. I’m not THAT special and defending what little confidence I had at the time (I’m building and strengthening that bond) is/was unnecessary. In my experience the final word is hardly ever truly satisfying and it isn’t actually really the final word. So many times have I had to go back and apologize for losing peace of mind and speaking with my defenses way up. It might hit you later that night when you’re lying in bed or a year down the road, but it eventually “clicks” and when it does all you see is yourself, watching yourself losing yourself.

To be able to constantly travel lightly through life would be nice but there’s usually one or some elements which hold that “weightless” feeling down. Those come in the form of the proverbial baggage where sometimes they can get heavy, too heavy to bear. And if you’re like me, it’s as easy as just passing it on, to the ones you care most about and to the random strangers that fit the profile of how you feel. Our messy, overpacked, beat up and broken suitcases are a true test of patience. I see people lugging them around all day, tired and defeated that life handed them the dirtiest load. They’re scattered all around me in conversations, gazes, body language and arguments that go nowhere. The frustration of imperfection, the inability to hide behind our pride takes what’s best in us all and showcases the absolute worst. We give others what we allow ourselves to get. Let’s all take a moment to breathe, look inward and while sorting through all the bullsh*t we’ll find that there’s some clarity.

Pride  sounds a lot like the pain I go through on the daily trying to make sense of who I am, would love to be and not even being 60% there. Maybe in the end as prideful and shameful as most of us are, with our flaws and attributes we’re really not that different from each other. At times I feel like a mess and other times the best, so for now I guess that’s gonna have to be good enough.

Thanks to all those that have the patience to deal with me at my worst and keep me in a positive frame of mind. As for those that get to hang hard when I’m feeling amazing (same people)- you’re welcome.

Fact- We’re imperfect. If you had your doubts about where you stood in life, well here it is- you’re not gonna be great at everything right from the start. Without a whole lot of effort, moments of self doubt and persistence it’s just too easy where fortunately or not, “easy” doesn’t last. It’s a little sh***y to say but sometimes it really does suck  to pursue the things you’re most passionate about. It can be a hard journey but then somewhere down, around, across the block and over the tracks you find incredible rewards. The journey continues, keep your eyes on the prize.

I find that it’s important in this process to allow yourself to get shook up, taken down, thrown around and messed with. Do not stop figuring out your next move, take a second to breathe and certainly do not give up. The sequence, the pattern is there, learn life’s lessons and I swear its just another one of those constant tests. It doesn’t hurt to have amazing people around to help guide you through the darkness. Accept any genuine help that comes your way, there’s no shame in not being able to do it alone.

If I retrace my own steps and break them down I can better see that there are just some things/people/places that had no place being a part of my every day. Those things threw me off, and even when I would desperately try to include them life had it’s way to slap me a quick reminder. Some wise men have said to me to “always trust your instincts”, we know more than we give ourselves credit. Try to follow what your heart and mind agree on and get into the right spaces and places.  Set up that next stage in life with brand new challenges to get you wondering and sweating like you did before. Build new familiar spots with positive minded people so that when the chaos surrounds you, you can always dip and balance things out.

Let’s get the “suck” out of here.

Ben

watch Pure Pwnage on Showcase Fridays @ 10pm.

woof.

Picture this: It’s a winter night, fairly cold (-7 degrees celsius/19.4 degrees Fahrenheit), the moon is out, the clouds are still and I haven’t had sight of one person on the beach. I step out through the trees, onto the hidden sand where I’m surrounded by snow and a stillness that wasn’t there yet a minute ago. I think I’m alone and with solitude in mind I begin my run.

The seasonal volleyball courts are unusually dark compared to the well lit path that I’m used to. My senses are initially thrown off  as I watch my step for the tiny shadows that seemingly jump out at me. There are only two very clear noises that I can hear- my breathing and the snow crunching beneath my sneakers. I suddenly lose myself, in time but not in space. I’m lost. Each footprint leaves a mark behind me and I know already how the next will fall to fit perfectly within the terrain. Without any thought or effort, I’ve become completely immersed in this environment, the world suddenly became mine.

I felt the sky surround me, cloaking me from any harm that could but wouldn’t come my way. Nothing could go wrong and nor could I do any. As I slide into this realm that I have rarely reached in a short lifetime, I glance away from the path my eyes were once frozen to. I see a short silhouette some 40 feet from me. Startled, I slip back into my body and squint to make sense of the shape. A log perhaps, or is it a dog? If it’s the latter,where’s the owner? I scan it some more and it was as though my glare had awakened it from it’s cold stone grave. The shape unfolds and runs towards me, matching it’s stride to mine. I force my eyes to work harder because without my glasses all they and my imagination envision is a wolf or best yet a coyote. There it is, I see it’s tail, skinny by the body, thick and fluffy (Yes, fluffy) at the end. It’s a fox! HOLY S**T A FOX IS RUNNING TOWARDS ME!

I stop mid stride, crouch down and wait to see if I’m noticed. If I was, what little knowledge I’ve acquired on wild animals says that it probably would have gone the other direction, thrice the speed. I called out to it, the only real call I know is the one which wields our cat into the bedroom at night. Regardless, I created a “fox” version of the sound and watched to see how my dolittle skills panned out. I called out to the non ferocious beast, it paused, glanced up at me and scurried back to the spot where it first appeared. I resumed my own trot, laughing off the idea that maybe the fox and I shared a vibe on some strange plain. But once again as I ran so did the fox. Within this cold landscape it searched for it’s next meal and I within myself for my own source of fuel. Recognizing it’s business and knowing mine created a peace between us. We both did what we had to do to make ourselves better living, breathing and functional organisms on this earth. We also did it with respect for each other’s space and place in this universe.

I felt connected that night, to what I’m not sure? I was free from negativity, worry and pain. There was no weight to my body, even when I lifted it off the ground. I partially wish that I could call upon that feeling anytime something went wrong but really I wouldn’t be doing my life any justice. Besides, life that night was handing me a gift. It was cutting me a break and reminding me that if I keep running on this path, I’ll have something great to look forward to .

I trust that you will to.

Peace.

I’m not sure what makes up a team? I’m not even sure if you need more than 1 person to have one? Definition or not ,what I do know is that it sure is nice to have someone backing you, keeping you motivated and cheering you on even when you’re at your best/worst. It’s also great to be able to return the effort.

Finding strength from the self though is pretty awesome and there is something to be said about the ability to muster up courage to overcome obstacles solo-styles. I feel inspired on a daily basis from the people I just randomly meet and those that I’ve known from before. The more I hear about other’s and the moves they’ve made in life, the better I feel about challenges I’m about to be faced with. Surrounded by greatness, absorbed and spread onto others, I’ll be on that team.

The other morning after waking up from my 15hrs nap that was spawned from the most excellent over-consumption of desmond & beatrice‘s baked goods, I went to the beach to get some exercise. I noticed that in the jungle-gym where kids jump from one bar to another, some parents sit, watch and perhaps take a second to breathe.

From platform to platform, bar to bar just kids being kids and loving every minute of it. I just turned 30 and guess who’s back full force on the playground program? Yep, it’s me. As a teen If I knew what I knew now, it could have saved me the years of  physical fatigue and an out of commission mental state. I thought jungle gyms were just there for… well let’s just say, not pull-ups.

Fitness is all around me and it’s in the form of swing sets, monkey bars, pirate ships – a gym that takes the form of fun not unfathomable. Let’s go back to that sitting guardian I mentioned earlier. Being a parent cannot be easy. The ones that commit to their children and unselfishly sacrifice time/energy to better the life of another is a feat worth an applause (clap!). That being said I’m no expert on the topic of baby making/adopting. I have a cat, which my partner and I adopted from the Toronto Humane Society. But just the fact that I’m shrimping out of bed night after night so to not disturb the sleep of both her and the “bear’s” makes me wonder what kind of gaps I’d clear for my kid’s smallest request. If our cat loved to do pull-ups in the playground, I’d be set. Other than that he rules and I wanna thank whoever found him, we’re lucky to have this amazing addition to our life.

The playground is for everyone but at the end of the day it’s the kids that rule this environment. If  you ever played “king of the castle” you’d know right off the bat who was king/queen. I’ll give you a hint- it’s not me and if you’re over 12, it’s not you either. The only membership for this house needed is the approval of the youth who run it. They’re the ones who let us stomp around their turf and wait for them to be done with the equipment being used, after that we’re in and GTG (good to go! I know, I’m old school and not cool.) The only looks that I find questionable are from the parents themselves, who rightfully deserve to keep an eye out on us. I would probably be a little watchful as well if I saw a bunch of strange wanna-be adults working out side by side with mine.  What’s rad though is how the kids watch us in awe while we bartend our way around the park. There’s no judging just enjoyment and curiosity in their faces. If they look unsure it’s my interpretation to assume that it’s because we struggle and they don’t. Not regreting my abilities I watch, waiting patiently to tag along with those in their prime who while ruling this house just want everyone to effortlessly hang out.

When you’re a kid in the playground, everyone’s invited… unless you’re too cool for school.

Keeping “dad” jokes alive for 30yrs.

Ben

Pull-ups are bigger in Texas

I forget how healthy I am till I get sick. I would like nothing more than to hold on to to the thought that my fortune lies in the fact that I get to do this life thing without any major complications. It just so happens that both my legs, arms, lungs, eyes, ears (although some would argue that one specifically) work. It also just so happens that I treat it like it’s no big deal. What is wrong with that statement and what is wrong with me that it takes others and their lack of good health to help me remember?

I can see how it’s a reality for some of us to be distracted by every day happenings. We aren’t expected to notice all details that life presents because other priorities take precedence. A reality that accepts the act of forgetting a healthy beating heart or  steady blood flow until it takes a toll for the worst, is a bust.

I really can’t fully remember what it felt like to be ill. If I could I would hold onto that thought just so I could constantly see what it’s like to be at the top of my game right here, right now. I don’t want to dwell on the past but if I think back, I can recall a year of never knowing what my diagnosis was. I knew being in and out of clinics while my family and loved ones worried for me. Who can find time to worry when there’s not even enough time in a day to feel well? I know some people that have made an art out of worrying and it’s a show that must not go on, ever.

Maybe we don’t need to go around bragging about health but some praise is good. To feel light about life is a gift. Breathing in without feeling like we’ve soaked up half of the world’s worries can be difficult but it’s not unattainable. There are momentary pauses, reflections throughout the day reminding us to stay fresh, soak in as much as we can and break from the act of “living” like everyone else. We all deserve to visit our ideal life once in a while and quit the one we helped make up.

We are in debt to life and I personally owe mine a huge favor. My laundry list of “IOU’s” to it is massive and that in itself deserves constant attention. Life’s already given me so much good and some bad that denying it my full living potential would be extremely selfish. Letting it slip by bit by bit would turn into something more than I’m ready to ever be ready for.

Let’s think about those for a moment that find it hard to see the bright side of life because of illness or pain. Let’s do what we can to improve our life today so that we may find strength and time to be there for the ones that need it the most tomorrow.

This goes out to the ones I care for that are travelling rough terrain. I’ll do what I can to help pave the way. I’m truly sorry you’re feeling far from well.